“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you truly love”-Rumi
Being on Purpose: For Most of Us, It Doesn’t Happen All at Once
I realized a few years ago that I had lived my whole life, for the most part, taking care of and pleasing others. I started this at an early age, lots of us do and just keep doing it. I worked in corporate America,11 years at Nordstrom, climbing the ladder, giving my all, culminating in my dream job–BUYER. Which I realized I hated after a few years– no make that days. A buyer I trusted kept telling me I would one day find I really liked it. She lied. I kept doing it until I just couldn’t anymore. Nine months shy of my 30th birthday I was in an elevator on my way to give a presentation to a couple hundred people and I knew with every fiber of my being I was finished—right then, that day.
I quit and then my whole world fell apart within weeks. Serious health issues showed up. My marriage crumbled and I was faced with raising 3 children, the youngest 5 months, the oldest barely 5 years, by myself. I had no idea what to do with my life. I had no job or benefits and I was sooooo tired. That happens when we are doing what doesn’t feed our soul. But really, I was lucky. I had profit sharing–enough to pay everything off and live for a year. I worked as a landscaper part time because I wanted to. I healed and rested and I asked for something greater than me to guide me in the next step.
I wanted something that was more on purpose with what I loved–with my own talents and gifts. There was a special 
magic and relief in doing this, asking for collaboration and support from the mysterious force that inhabits all life. Every time I got scared about work and money I would hear deep inside”when the money runs out and it’s time to work, the job will come to you.” And it did.I can promise you it was not MY idea of perfect. I looked at the heavens and said, “you have got to be kidding.” I don’t argue with the Divine though, so I said yes and began a 20-year career on the other side of the table, so to speak. I went to work for an organization of sales reps for women’s apparel and apprenticed, learned and finally opened my own showroom and business. The on purpose part is that I was really there for the people–the conversations–and I was really good at the job of being a sales rep in the fashion world.
I made a good living, had flexibility to raise my children and continue to feed myself small mouthfuls of what really, deeply fed me, enough to keep my spirit alive and wanting more. I saw my business as a stepping stone to what I really wanted in life and I didn’t have any fully formed idea about what that might be. The business tag line was ’Reach 4 A Star’.As my children got older and my 30s vanished into my 40s and the years went by, the itch for more got stronger and stronger.
Three years and a few months ago my father died. My father was far from a perfect man. He was loved and reviled and he was the center pole in my tent. At the same time my youngest son’s troubled teens culminated in a trip to rehab for many months on the other side of the country and my spiritual community, a structure of support in my new town became ashes in a brief matter of weeks. My world was forever changed.
These events sent me into a total reassessment of my life.
Those I had taken care of were either dead or didn’t need me in the same way. I began to really turn my attention toward myself. I mourned, I traveled to Asia and India, I began to question what I really wanted in my life–how to care for myself, how to have a fulfilled life and live my purpose. And what was that and who was I anyway?
A lot has changed in the past three years. My children and I are closer together emotionally and farther apart geographically. I went to school, I traveled, and I sat on my sofa for literally months. And as I sit at the tale end of my 40s, I am embarking on another adventure. Every day I have the great joy and privilege of assisting people to come back to their own brilliant selves and get more of what they truly want in their lives.
I am doing this because I believe every one of us has the intrinsic right to be happy and live a life that is filled with true fulfillment and peace. I believe that this is literally how we can and will change the world. I am doing this because I wake up excited every day to share myself and what I know about doing this with the world. I am doing this because I cannot for even one moment imagine what else I would care to do. I am doing this because I know with every fiber of my being that if I can feel this much joy and gratitude for my life, no matter what the circumstances are every day, anyone can. I do this because I am on fire with passion and purpose. I do this because I want to, oh yeah, I really, really want to.
What do YOU want to do?
How do you get there from here?
Photo courtesy of the Amazing Splendiferous Wendy Long
